 |  | |
| Contents | Number | |
|---|---|---|
| Introduction to creator | #1 | |
| Questions | #2 | |
| To Whom it May Concern | #3 | |
| My True Love | #4 | |
| My Fault | #5 | |
| What For? | #6 | |
| Him | #7 | |
| Inside Of Me | #8 | |
| Missing Him | #9 | |
| You Know... | #10 | |
| Armageddon | #11 | |
| I'm Sorry | #12 | |
| Injustices | #13 | |
| Me? | #14 | |
| Liar | #15 | |
| Need | #16 | |
| Her Secret | #17 | |
| Flowers in the Spring | #18 | |
| Her | #19 | |
| You Again | #20 | |
| The Mission | #21 | |
My friends and I are pretty cool, I think. If you are still interested and still reading this page, well then I have a few stories for you, and a picture, this picture just shows you how much time I actually have on my hands. Anyways here is a few stories, a picture and some poems, enjoy. Once we walked on hedges, outside our school, at night. However they are the pro's at it, not me. Because well, they have done it many times. I'll give you a hint, on how to get up on to the hedges. *All you do is get a boost up from off of the dumpsters. Another time, we did something weird was on fathers day, we stood on the side of the highway and held up signs saying "Happy Father's Day." Lots of people honked, others looked at us all weird but it's all good. We plan to do it again, this year. Anyway, the point to this web-page is to show some of my poetry. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that it is great, but I have nothing else to do on this page. So I am putting on just a select few, of my own poems. I would also like to add that the picture of me below this, has not been changed what so ever, so that is what I really look like, so to disappoint. Also I would like you all to know that the man at the top of the page is dowing air guitare, and teh dog is waging his tail to the beat of the air guitare. I want you all to know that, that is my sister's signature dance and was put on here for her. Please enjoy what you can. Please sign my guest book or Email me at [email protected]
I saw you in my dreams last night,
You were the angel I see before me now.
When I awoke and saw you weren't there,
I cried myself to sleep.
As I had done the night before.
Now you ask me why I do this,
Not just to myself, but to you as well.
I ask myself that very question,
Every night as I sleep.
And now I have found the reason.
It's not about caring for someone else,
Or wanting to have something that you need.
But something selfish.
It's because I need you in my life.
To Whom it May Concern
I feel lost,
And tired.
Now that you've forgotten me.
I feel ashamed,
And alone.
Now that I'm without you.
I feel beaten,
And abused.
Now that I'm with him.
I feel afraid,
And stupid.
Now that I've done this to you.
My True Love
I'm not the innocent one here,
When you were so near.
I lied to you,
As true the morning dew.
You in the next room,
As I fell to the floor with a boom.
I lied to you about the bruise.
And as for those new shoes,
I never really bought those for you.
For they were his too.
You cried to me as I held you near,
I tried to tell you with any fear.
I guess I wasn't certain,
That morning when I opened my curtain.
Again I fell to the floor.
My Fault
When you come home in a week or so,
Please don't be mad if I wanna lay low.
I can't help that things don't just flow.
I just can't let you know,
That I love you so.
It makes it very hard for me to know,
Just when to be honest and let my feelings go.
I try to let it show,
So maybe you'll know,
When it's time to just let go.
Because you never know,
That might make it easier to just let go.
I let my feelings show,
Now that you know,
I have to just let you go.
What For?
If you really feel that way
How can you make me cry
Make me feel the need to die.
She is so self-righteous,
So bitter,
And cold.
You like you care, but how do I know?
When you treat us all the same.
Except they get play.
People tell me "maybe it's because he really does care for you."
Why lead me on?
Why not just say "NO"?
Him
As I lay there, in the night.
And he in a far away place, steeling from me.
Steeling what I have never really known.
I never knew or understood his motives,
I'm not sure he did.
Never the less he stole from me, this thing, I can't really explain.
Over the phone,
Late at night.
I was losing more and more.
He taken from me what I couldn't get back, my heart.
When I'd try to get it back, he'd pull, and I'd lose more, and with each call
I'd lose more.
Now it's unreachable even to me.
Afraid of losing again,
Falling again,
Trusting again
Afraid of loving again.
I'd hide from love and what I could have.
I'd hide from the calls
The things I fear are all I have left.
My heart is gone to him, I fear it will be forever.
Will I ever get it back? What can I offer to another? Nothing.
Inside of Me
The asshole strikes again.
With every look he gives me,
With every name he calls me,
I feel smaller and smaller and more and more like shit.
I fight back with my fists
And get into trouble.
I don't' know how to just sit back and let the insults go away.
They sink in and make me feel there pain.
The anger takes over.
I become this new person.
I black-out, and I don't remember a thing.
It's almost like I leave my body,
And all I can do is watch this soulless corps, cause pain and fear.
Missing Him
When I try to think of how much,
How much I miss him.
All I can do is cry.
How can I do this to myself?
I know what he's like.
I know what he's done.
He wasn't done this to just me,
Another has felt this pain.
Why do I give in?
Why do I let him win?
I let him in my heart,
I let win my soul.
Every time my body takes him in,
I try to push away, I try not to let him win.
But he is too strong, and pulls my body in.
You Know......
You know....
I could Drive myself through with this knife. I could pierce the skin you used to touch. I could watch the blood gush from my chest, where you used to kiss. I could see my body, you used to love, fall to the floor. I could love the touchier I give to myself. I could feel the pain of losing you again.But why let you win? Why lose to you?
Armageddon
I could hear the wind moan,
And the ocean cry.
The sky was like a quilt covered with glittered stars.
This night would be remembered
This night would bring us near.
It would put fear into the strongest souls.
The moment before all were to die.
We remain silent.
There was nothing left to say, those in churches had nothing left to pray.
Rocks shattered the earth.
Cracks gauged the center of streets.
It was the end, and there was no one left to sweet talk.
All we could do is breathe, while there was still air to breathe.
The smell of the sweet grass as people gathered in fields,
And anywhere else just to be with those that they loved.
Every hushed and clutched their families.
The fear has left most.
There was nothing left to fear, everything, and everyone is gone.
I'm Sorry
I never meant to hurt you.
I never meant to make you cry.
I didn't want you to feel this pain,
I've grown so close to.
I didn't want you to be able to understand me,
Understand how I feel.
This is what I feel,
This is what I need.
A need to feel the hurt,
A need to cry,
A need to see the dark side of life, always.
I live off of this injustice,
And I will until I die.
Injustices
It's not fair,
How can you do this to me?
Twist and tear,
I don't know how you do this to me.
How can you give away what's not yours to give away?
I don't know how you do this at all.
I didn't want you to see what it is you mean to me.
So that maybe I could understand, how it is you do this to me.
I didn't want to hold you near,
For fear I might understand you.
You don't see what it is she does to me, you don't see the hell she makes me feel.
Maybe that's how you do this to me.
Me?
Why me?
Was I just the luck of the draw?
You tell me you want me,
And you look truthful enough,
And I want you too.
But there is something inside,
Telling me there is no truth.
Do I believe myself or you?
I know us about the same,
Yet I hardly know you at all.
I feel like a stranger in my own body.
I don't even know what it is I want myself.
Why is it you know so well?
I don't want to feel dependent, but I do.
I don't want to feel the need to be held but I do.
I don't want to feel the need to love someone, but I do.
You've turned me into this person,
That I never wanted to be.
I care about people,
about their needs,
and about mine too.
I never knew this feeling when I loved him.
You've changed me so much, I don't even know me.
I used to only see fear,
pain,
and terror.
But now I hate nothing.
Liar
You say you need me, but you never really do.
You tell me you care, without a blink of your eye.
I never wanted you to see inside of me, to where I keep all hidden.
I never thought you'd pull that string once you know what was attached.
I didn't think you were the kind,
The ones that steel in the night.
It's not easy now, seeing you sitting there with her, that stupid whore.
But I say nothing, I never really do.
And when you see me, sitting here with him, in all of his innocents.
You simply make me think you want me back.
And one day you'll come to me, and tell me a tale of how you need me.
But what would you say if I said "there's no fucking way."
Need
I need him to live,
I need him to breath.
He is like a drug,
And I'm his wavering carrier.
I miss his eyes,
And the way he'd look my way.
His smooth lips.
His hands running through my hair,
To gently touch my cheek.
Everyday I find myself flashing back to what had been.
Although he sleeps beside me in my bed,
I wonder if he has left me behind.
Her Secret
You tell me not to hide, to tell you how I feel.
Tell you anything I'm thinking.
Tell you how you can help, when I'm down.
I wish I could.
I've tried so many times.
I start to speak, but I'm forced to swallow, my words.
I can't tell you how I feel,
I can't tell you what's on my mind,
I have to hide the way I feel, to keep you safe.
You are one of the best, you're one of my best friends.
I would only be hurting you to say.
But I hate to lie to you.
If I told you how I feel,
Or even what I think,
I would have to tell you that "I love you."
Flowers in the Spring
I could end it now
Slash my wrists with this rusted razor.
I'd see my blood pour out of my body,
Feel the tingle of it on my skin.
Or I feel so low I could cut out my throat.
Gut myself like a fish,
To see myself squirm on a hook.
I tried to blossom,
Like the flower I'm told I am.
But I fell to many times, to pick up the pieces.
So I give up,
And give in.
Death has won me over.
The flower has died.
Her
She is everything to you.
A constant reminder of what I'm not.
You can't hear what you can't see.
So when I said those three words for the first time,
You didn't' hear me truly.
You only heard what you chose.
I feel the need to tell you again,
What it is I think you missed.
You tell me I'm just foolish, how could I understand those words?
You think I don't know what these words mean,
Or how they effect the heart.
I'm to young, but she's not.
I can tell you what these words mean. what they mean to me.
I can tell you how they make me feel.
But I don't think you want to hear me.
You Again
I sit in my room in the dark,
Thinking of you.
I find my self glancing out my opened window,
In your direction.
I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me?
Why can't I just get the hint?
I lay in my room on the floor,
And I try to think of something else.
I can't picture life without you,
So how can I be living it?
I can't help but miss your smile,
Your innocent eyes,
That caring attitude that you carry so proudly,
And your need to make people laugh.
I love every part of you,
I wish you'd want me too.
The Mission
I know it's difficult for you now.
Seeing me sitting here with him.
But when I said I cared for you,
You didn't say a word.
Now, it 's too late and I'm sitting here with him.
And you tell me how you feel, that you need me, and you care.
Why did you have to wait?
Are you doing this to cause me pain?
I want to understand,
But I fear to hear your answer.
I try to let go, and pretend you never said a word
But you make it impossible.
I try not to feel your pain,
And I try not to feel the pity,
But it takes over my body, and I go to you.
I pick you instead of him.
He is so true to me, so honest and sweet.
He'd never try to wipe the smile from my face.
When he tells me he cares, he looks into my eyes.
It looks as though the universe is in him, the stars in his eyes, and the sun and moon apart of his heart.
Your cold hands and eyes look down upon me,
I can feel the wrath of them in your words.
You say you care and you want me back, you want me to want you.
But at the moment I fall for you again, you push me away.
I want to forget you, this angel that was in my eyes for so long.
I want to say "no," and this time be the one to push away.
But I can't it's the impossible mission,
The one thing I can't do.
All I do is think of you,
Your name, your smile, your innocents,
And it's done you've taken my heart.
But I don't see how much I fear what you can do.
Once you have me, and you see that you do,
You tell me that you don't love me.
You say you don't want me, even my heart.
Why did I come back and believe your lies?
When I go to him, once my lover,
Now only a friend, who is lost in you.
I go to him to sheltered from your bitter words, and cold shoulder.
You say that you want me back, that you love all of me, even my worthless heart. You say you'll do anything to show me.
I don't want to believe you, I don't want to know or feel your pain.
Why should I go to you? So you can tell me, you don't want me?
Or you don't need me anymore? I pick him,
I should have picked him, but now I lose you both.
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